I have a bunch of stuff on my mind regarding pregnancy, parenthood, etc. I’m going to start dumping it all here. As anybody who knows me knows, I am an avid reader / researcher (one might say I can become a tad obsessive). Thus I have been reading everything on the topic of parenthood that I can. When I was at the dentist on Monday I grabbed a Parents magazine from the rack while I waited. I read the beginning of an article on SIDS. Sadly, I couldn’t finish it. But it scared the bejesus out of me. Yes, I know that you need to sleep a baby on its back. But I also know that we will be waking up in the middle of the night for feedings. What if we do it wrong just one time? In the story in the article, they shared an anecdote of a dad who gave his child his midnight feeding. Instead of putting him back into the bassinet, dad fell asleep on the couch while snuggling baby. When baby didn’t wake up for his 4:00 feeding, the mom woke up in a panic. At that point, dad woke up to find a dead baby in his arms.
I nearly started crying my eyes out. Just recounting this story, which is about people I never met and whose names I don’t even know, makes me want to cry.
This morning Hubby-poo happened to flip the TV on and heard Matt Lauer talk about SIDS and the study that just came out which links serotonin levels in the brain to incidents of SIDS. Evidently, lower serotonin levels result in the brain result in fewer neurological pathways, so the brain does not connect ‘I am suffocating’ to ‘I need to wake up’ and the baby dies. Of course, all of the studies have been post mortem, so there is no knowledge of action that can be taken. They can’t even test for it at this time. So, while helpful in the long term, this does not help me right now.
Another magazine I read (which came from the hospital and was, unfortunately, mostly filled with advertisements) had an article about the warning signs of autism and other conditions. Mostly it was an advertisement for a treatment center in Texas. But this also scared me. What if we do have a child with special needs? Hubby-poo and I both have relatives with varying levels of special needs. It’s a LOT of work. Obviously we would love our child, and do the best we could to ensure that our child had the best opportunities possible. But we really want a normal, healthy baby.
On a side note, we’re not doing the quad screen test. We don’t want to know the likeliness that our kid will have Down ’s syndrome or some other chromosomal abnormality. Why know? We are at the stage in our lives where it wouldn’t change anything – it’s not as though I would terminate this pregnancy at 20+weeks because it will be harder than we want. We will cross our fingers that we have a healthy baby. But if we don’t, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. It will be whatever it is, so why get information that will stress us out early and make me not enjoy this pregnancy.
Which brings me to vaccinations. At this time, none of the studies implicate vaccinations as being the cause of autism. But it’s fairly common (at least common enough) and it is a commonly held belief that vaccinations play a part. Now, before I start a debate, I do plan to vaccinate my children. This is not the issue (and this is not up for debate). But my issue is that I wish I understood why sometimes it works great, and other times, well, not so much. I recently read an article that vaccinations are fine, but the AAP guidelines are what need to be revised. I think there could be some merit there. They developed their guidelines without controlled studies. They do all this vaccine combination, and there aren’t any protocols which prevent vaccination when there is the presence of an infection. I may want to take more of a ‘one at a time’ approach. The same article also said that part of the problem is that doctors throw antibiotics and Tylenol at problems that those things don’t treat, just to make parents feel better that they are doing something. I don’t want to do that. Antibiotics (that I grant you, I needed) changed my health and immune system 2.5 years ago and it still hasn’t recovered. I probably wouldn’t have needed such strong ones if I hadn’t had so many unnecessary courses of them in the past.
Obviously I am not an expert here, but I have looked into some of the alternative path stuff. Maybe that’s the way to go. I don’t know. I wish I knew. I need to talk to a doctor who is not in bed with the AAP, because I need another opinion. Besides, the last time I mentioned to an AAP doctor that I probably wouldn’t do the hepatitis B vaccine right away, but would wait a few days (per AAP alternative guidelines, not even holistic hippy guidelines), she rolled her eyes at me and basically called me a moron. This, of course, was a friend who happens to be a doctor, and not a doctor who I could fire (was being an operative term, I may not ever speak to this person again because this annoyed me SO much).
Anyway, I guess I need to start researching pediatricians who support alternative path and who are not super gung-ho on prescribing antibiotics and throwing drugs at every problem even when they won’t help.
I have also been reading a lot about nursing. Of course, I plan to nurse. My plan right now is to nurse exclusively for 6 months, and continue to nurse until Acorn is 2 years old while introducing a variety of foods (still in flux, but that’s where my head is right now… and, again, once I have a plan it’s not up for debate). But you read so much stuff about HOW critical it is, and basically how you are evil Evil EVIL if you don’t do it. Well, what if I can’t? What if my milk production is low? What if it causes me too much pain? What if I can feed Acorn just fine, but I can’t produce enough milk to then pump for his/her feedings when I’m not around (sidebar – I plan to go back to work, and this is also not up for debate)? What if I get really, really sick during childbirth and have to take medication that my life depends on, but which is not safe for babies? What if I die during childbirth or sometime shortly after, and Mike has to feed the child? In any and all of these situations, formula is there as a backup. And it has to be okay to use. I hate all this stuff I read that vilifies formula and those who use it. Especially now that it is formulated with DHA and other stuff babies need (probably more nutrients than most women consume in their regular diets, to be honest).
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8 comments:
I had a pediatrician give it to me best about vaccinations when I was nervous about the MMR shot... like you said there is no real proof that vaccinations lead to autism, it is, rather, that the time when autism becomes more and more apparent in a child, is when you are also doing vaccinations like the "dreaded" MMR. That made sense to me. I've read a lot about a child's diet helping them balance out autism (no wheat, etc.). Who knows... all I know is I wanted my child protected and so she gets her shots, but we do them one at a time - no multiple shots at a time and I hold off on them a little past the "due date." Give her body some extra time to grow and thrive before we inject her with something else.
Also, nursing... I really wanted to and I tried for over two months, but like you said is a possibility, I just wasn't able to produce enough milk to satiate a growing baby. I was taking supplements and doing anything I could to assist production, but it just didn't work for me. Society really does make a woman feel like she is less than a good mother if she doesn't breast feed and it was that pressure that drove me into having PPD. When I went in to see my OB/GYN for my follow up, she looked me right in the eyes and told me that I am no less of a mother because I can't feed my daughter. Truth be told, formulas are so advanced now a-days that they are almost as good as breast milk and definitely more controlled since you don't have to mind what you yourself are eating.
Becoming a mother is so tough... sometimes you just have to stop reading everything or you will make yourself crazy. Common sense and being a reasonable human being will win in the end - not what a book, magazine or blog says. Research and look for answers, but in the end, I always find it's my gut reaction that helps me make the right decision.
Regarding SIDS, all I can say is try not to drive yourself crazy. I am happy to be beyond that point, because the stress of trying to get a baby to sleep is nothing compared to the stress of a baby sleeping too well! There are going to be times when you wake a perfectly sleeping baby because you just want to be sure. It's alright - we all do it.
As for vaccinations, go out and get the Dr. Sears book for starters. He has a modified schedule that you may want to investigate - plus he is very informative regarding the various vaccines. We have only done a couple so far, but Kayleigh is not in daycare and she still breast feeds - in other words, she's low risk. And our decision has little to do with autism.
It really angers me to hear doctors respond to questions/comments like that. One of the reasons we left our first pediatrician was an incident in which a nurse (yes, a nurse, not even a doctor) chastised when we said no to one of the shots.
We skipped the Hep B shot completely. We also haven't done rotovirus, flu, polio, or MMR. And Kayleigh is perfectly fine. Of course that has a lot to do with our situation, and if Lisa had stopped nursing months ago or had gone back to work full time some of those would have changed. But we probably still would have stuck with a schedule that included no more than 2 shots at a time.
I could probably go off on more of a rant at this point, but you don't need that. Just keep doing all that research.
Thanks for sharing your personal accounts. I have heard of Dr. Sears and have his website bookmarked. I just got a 33% off an item at Borders coupon - picking up his book might be the perfect use for it.
I am sure that most of this is standard freak-out, and that it will pas. But being a worrier is part of my charm, I guess.
The autism thing in society frustrates me so much. Because it's not only been not shown to have any link to vaccines, but has been so definitively disproved (autism rates in countires aren't any different when they start/stop various vaccines) that we waste so much money continuing to try and disprove something that's as proved as it ever can be. We could spend the money actually trying to find a valid reason for autism.
I'm sure you will do great, and I hope you find a doctor who is willing to work with you to your wishes (heck, you pay them!).
I wouldn't worry too much about the not having enough milk thing. I've read that mothers who exclusively breastfeed (no starting formula here and there) and aren't able to produce enough milk are less than 1 in 10,000. Mothers sometimes get jumpy beacuse the babies lose weight at first (they're suppsed to), and start supplimenting early with formula with decreases supply. That, and obviously, there is no measurement stick on your breast to give you confidence. You have the added benefit of having a BF counselor on your quick dial! She's on the phone all day helping folks.
Joe - please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't see myself calling Brook for breast feeding advice. It's a bit of a personal topic to share with a non-medical professional. Besides, it's not like she's even a little bit impartial on the topic. That's fine, I'm all about people having strong opinions, but she wouldn't be a good fit for me if I am having problems as a result of it. I think I'll just work with the lactation consultant at the hospital. I'll have access to her for some time after I deliver, and she won't have access to my friends to gossip about it later (we're a VERY gossipy circle of friends, so don't even pretend like it wouldn't come up).
But I don't buy your statistics. I know way too many people who couldn't nurse. It's a very valid thing to be concerned about, especially given how vilified non-nursing mothers are. I suspect that your statistics come from a very biased source.
Oh, and I appreciate your autism comments, but I am taking a very scientific approach to this (as I do with all things, which you probably know by now), and I am doing my homework. I read the NY Times article that invalidated that one study with the autism link, but autism is NOT the only concern about vaccines. That doesn't mean that I am not going to vaccinate (in fact, I plan to for almost everything). In my mind, however, it is something to consider and understand before just doing it. I don't trust the AAP method of treating every child the same, and I stopped trusting the CDC when I learned that the flu shot was NEVER tested in pregnant women but they recommend it. I want to give fewer vaccines at a time, make sure to select ones with no mercury and minimal aluminum, and make sure to monitor my baby's reaction very carefully. No shots if there was a recent infection, and don't throw anti-biotics at everything.
Malina,
I understand most of that. Your baby's feeding habits and ability can be personal. Although I should point out that Brook _is_ a professional on the subject. It's what she gets paid to do; she's been fully trained, and she'll soon be licensed. She's no more biased than any other lactation professional. I'm not sure I do understand the "impartial" thing. Teaching people how to breastfeed when they are having difficulty is not something you can be partial or impartial about; you are just giving factual information. Someone once said that becoming an expert in a field only makes you more biased towards facts. :-)
Unfortunately most people don't have in-home access to lactation professionals, and it isn't a subject that is taught in detail in medical school to doctors, so unfortunately there is a lot of bad advice and myths about breastfeeding.
Vilified for not breastfeeding? That's bizzare. I thought that was only something that would happen with wackos on the internet. That would be like being vilified because people thought you didn't give your kid enough fruit or vegtables. Does that really happen in real life? How nasty people can be...
If you consider the AAP a biased source, I'm not sure what would be considered an unbiased source...it seems like every study funded by anyone has the taint of people thinking it must be biased because it was funded by someone. (yes, I said taint :-) )
Everything i was saying was trying to take the scientific and logical approach. In my mind, it is the only sane choice!
BTW, I'm not trying to convince you that you should be calling Brook... that's of course totally understandle to do what you want to do. That's the fun of having your own baby. You get to do it your way, and nobody can say anything bad about it!
Okay, it's not like I think that the AAP is evil or that they are trying to hurt people on purpose. But it's the 'this is the schedule, regardless of what else is going on' approach that I don't like. That seems to be how the problems occur. Every source needs to be questioned. The biggest problem is that it's an area that has not been studied in a controlled way. They started combining vaccines to reduce the number of shots, but nobody knows what the actual synergistic effects are. It's probably okay for most children, but there are no protocols in place to not vaccinate within a few weeks of antibiotics, and that is a problem due to the compromised immunity that comes from them.
Anyway, like I stated a bunch of times, none of my opinions are up for debate. So I am not going to waste any more time explaining my rationale.
And I didn't mean to imply that Brook isn't qualified to do what she does. It's not that she is not a professional, but my relationship with her is not professional. No, certain things shouldn't be shared with people who are friends with my friends.
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