Jocelyn's bed time routine

It's the same every night, so I am not entirely sure why I keep on expecting better results each night.

The bedtime starts some time between 9 and 10 p.m. most nights, depending on how the feeding times shook out during the day, what time I got dinner on the table and whether or not a bath was needed. But it always starts one of two ways. I start feeding a cranky Jocelyn, who gets a diaper change and swaddle between breasts, or we put a clean diaper and then swaddle a happy Jocelyn. On bath days she usually gets footie pajamas. She eats for a good, long time. She will usually spend 30 or so minutes on the first boob. She always dozes off. So I bring her up to my shoulder for a burp and begin the 30 minute upright holding.

After 5 minutes, she starts to root around, looking for more to eat. It is at this time that she gets a diaper change and swaddle (if necessary), and then she nurses the second boob for about 10 minutes and passes out. I let her sleep sideways across the Boppy for a while, and then I bring her up for a burp / 30 minute upright holding.

And, again, after 5 minutes she starts to wake. Except this time it is with painful tears. I mean PAINFUL! I begin the process of standing up so I can walk her around, and she always rips a HUGE fart in the process of me standing up. Every time. And the screaming tears continue. At this point, Hubby-poo comes in to releive me. He walks around with her for 10-30 minutes, humming and bouncing and singing nonsensical songs, until she falls asleep in his arms.

Then he puts her in the crib, goes to grab the monitor receiver, and we wait for her to wake up. It always takes less than 5 minutes, and usually less than 1. It starts with arms flailing, and then some whimpers start....

Somebody who doesn't know Jocelyn too well might say, 'Oh, these are some sleepy tears. They are totally normal. I will let this baby cry for a minute as she drifts off to sleep.' This person would be wrong to let this happen, as Jocelyn will not soothe herself. She needs to be picked back up and rocked some more. If she is not picked up, the whimpers will turn into blood-curdling wails. The resulting baby is inconsolable.

At this point, Hubby-poo takes another stab at it, as it is too soon for me to be able to try to nurse her to sleep, but she is tired enough that she wants to use my boob as a pacifier if I hold her. She soothes quickly and falls asleep in his arms again, this time in less time (5-20 minutes). Again, he puts her down in the crib, and we wait for her to wake up again. She may stay down longer this time, maybe up to 10 minutes (but sometimes as little as 2 or 3). Then the flailing starts. Then the whimpers start. And if we are not careful, this can also turn into a full-on blood-curdling wail. If that happens, it's even harder to soothe her than if it happened the first time.

With each of these comforts there are always more farts. This child hardly has any gas all day, and then at night it starts to bother her and come out with a force. It's bizarre.

This third time I go and get her. I walk / bounce / sing / hum / whatever for about 10 minutes. She gets quiet, and then will frantically start to root. While I don't let her get into a full wail, I let her fight with it for a little bit. I want her to tire out with a bit of activity. Plus it gives my body a bit more time to produce enough milk.

At this point I start to feed her, and she accepts food frantically. She sucks away like she hasn't eaten in days (when really it has been something over an hour since the end of her last meal), which lasts for 3-5 minutes. It turns into sleepy sucking, and I become the human pacifier as she drifts off to sleep. This last feeding can be short (10 minutes) or long (40 minutes). I try to let her go until she pops herself off, but sometimes she just doesn't. So if she gets past 20 minutes I try to nudge her away every few minutes. It takes some time (I don't want to force her), but she's usually asleep after this one.

I bring her up for a burp and some upright time (usually not 30 minutes, as she did not actually eat for very long in these cases). Sometimes she roots and begs for more food (at which point I give her the second boob, and repeat the previous paragraph). Usually she passes out in my arms. I hold her until I feel like she is really out, and then I put her down in the crib. She's down for the 'night' (usually for the next 5-6 hours).

If we deviate from the process, a third nursing session is typically required. This is not a good situation, as it adds time to the bedtime routine.

This process takes 3-4 hours. It takes longer when we start earlier, which tells me that she was never going to go to sleep before whatever time she planned to go to sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except that it means that there are times the process isn't over until 2 a.m. That's just too late. And it will REALLY be too late when I'm back at work.

Going where and grabbintg what she wants!

My girl is becoming rather mobile, despite not really caring to strengthen her legs with tummy time (she yowls when we put her on her belly, and after about 5 minutes stops even moving around and just lies there crying).

But on her back, she does okay. She has been scooting for a little while now. But now she does a trick where she starts out by lying on her dad's lab parallel to his legs, and rotates herself so that she is across his lap. A few nights ago I was sitting next to him while he was doing it, so she rested her head on my lap. It was really cute. She then started reaching up towards me, so I put my hand close enough for her to grab it. Not only did she grab it, but she brought my arm close enough to her mouth to suck on it. It was hilarious! And she clearly wanted to suck on something, because it wasn't just a casual, half-hearted gnaw. It was a full on SUCK. Like, she left a tiny hickey on my arm.

Now to convince her that she will become even more mobile if she will participat in tummy time!

Lucky stars!

Somebody, somewhere was watching out for us last night.

Last night Mike and I went to the Greek Food Festival of Dallas. It was the first time we ever really brought Jocelyn out to anything. She was a total champ, of course. I think she really loved the sights, sounds and people. Nursing her out in a public forum like that is hard, but I worked it out with minimal awkwardness. But that is not what this post is about.

We were inspired to leave by the onset of Jocelyn's fussiness. It was mild, and a bit of on-the-spot nursing stemmed it, but we knew that she was ready to melt down. So Mike suggested that I carry her rather than strap her into the stroller. Okay, this makes sense. So I carried her until we were out of the festival grounds.

Then it occurred to me that the long walk back to the car was poorly paved and cracked. I decided that in the dark, on a bad sidewalk, and after I had a (single) drink, I didn't feel comfortable carrying Jocelyn. Call me paranoid, but whatever. So we strapped her down and hoped that there would not be a meltdown.

Well, it was a good thing we did. Because there was a very uneven piece of broken sidewalk that I turned my ankle on. I went flying. I hit the ground hard. I mostly caught myself on my hands (which I scraped the hell out of, by the way), and I smashed my boob pretty badly. I'm fine, just a few scrapes and bumps. But could you imagine if I was carrying a baby? Who knows what would have happened? Would I have dropped her? Sent her flying? Rolled in order to protect her and broken my shoulder in the process? I don't know! And I am glad that I don't need to find out. She was safely in her stroller, with dad pushing her.

But if I was pushing her and still fell? We were walking down a busy street. She could have rolled or tipped into traffic. She can't sit in the stroller yet, so we put her in the car seat and snap that onto the stroller at this point. It's very top-heavy.

But I'm still shaken. I keep on playing the what-if game. I mean, I thought about not bringing the stroller at all and just wearing her. Now I am completely paranoid about that! I mean, I do fall down a lot. What if I fell while wearing her? I don't want to think about it, yet I can't help but think about it. It's probably part of why I slept like garbage last night (coupled with a Greek frappe, allergies and a throbbing hand). I am playing out all of these horrible scenarios in my head, over and over again. As if I wasn't paranoid enough, it was one small decision to move her to the stroller instead of carrying her, and the simple action of her dad pushing her instead of me, that saved my baby from potentially serious injury. These were random decisions, and not intrinsically smarter or safer decisions. And now I'm kind of a mess. And my hand really freakin' hurts!

Mama knows best

I will start this off by saying that Jocelyn likes her dad way more than she likes me. It's okay, Hubby-poo is great with children. Me, well, not so much. Obviously I can provide basic needs, I take great care of her and I try to entertain her, and I'm sure that Jocelyn loves me. But she LOVES her daddy. He has a knack for entertaining her that I can't even hope to emulate. And while she loves to cuddle with me, she loves when Hubby-poo holds her in ways where she can see his face (ways that my hands are too small for, sadly). Yeah, I married a guy who is an amazing father. It's pretty awesome.

But despite all of this, I don't usually have the heart to tell my dear hubby that I know how to take care of our girl better than he does. I don't know if it's instincts or just time spent, but I generally know when things are a good idea or bad idea. One example is when Mike rocks Jocelyn down to a nap in the evening. This is a new activity, as she wasn't a napper in her younger days (literally days at this point). And I think he likes the idea of her falling asleep in his arms. However, this throws off her nighttime sleep. But I don't want to be a nag, and he's the one who will suffer more the next day if it messes with her nighttime sleep, so I figure I should just let him come to the conclusion on his own (as of last night, he has).

I think I have mentioned Jocelyn has a bedtime routine, and it takes us a while to get her to sleep. One of these times we will get her down in under an hour, but now it takes 3-4 hours. No exaggeration. Last night we thought she was down, but as soon as I put her into bed she woke up. Mike wanted to just leave her and let her cry herself to sleep. Now, I know that my baby is both high-need and strong-willed, and can cry way longer than we can tolerate it. But he's been practically begging me to let her cry on her own when she can't be consoled.

After about 5 minutes, when her cry went from a whimper to a scream, he gave up and went to get her. And after he couldn't soothe her for about 20 minutes, I think that maybe he gets that she is persistent. We had to stay up and try to soothe her long enough for me to build up some milk so I could try to nurse her down again. Anyway, he's all about skipping the evening nap now. And maybe he will get that this is a child who needs to be picked up.

Just to reiterate, though... he's an amazing father. I don't mean to imply in any way, shape or form that he is anything less than awesome. It's just that mama knows best :-P.

Babysitting and milk

Last night we left J-money with a babysitter for the first time (outside of the time my MIL sat with her so Mike and I could go out for sushi in town). We went to a concert downtown, so we were gone for a bit over 5 hours. Overall, it went well. I didn't feel much in the way of mommy guilt (probably because I hired a real babysitter / nanny with all sorts of certifications who took care of my friend's 3 children). It was great! Not something I would want to do often (from both a missing my baby and a cost standpoint), but something worth doing.

However, I did learn a really hard lesson. My baby eats a LOT. She went through about 12 ounces of breast milk while I was gone. I have no idea how much she eats typically, since I nurse her and my boobs have not been fitted with level sensors and flow meters. But I basically let her go for as long as she wants. I put out 6 ounces, because I fed her shortly before I left and planned to feed her when I got home, and I only planned to be gone 5-6 hours. Well, an hour and a half after I left she evidently started to beg for food, so the sitter fed her all those 6 ounces plus another 3 more she got from the freezer. Then around 10:30 Jocelyn started begging for more food, so she got another 4 ounces from the freezer. So in the 5 hours I was gone, Jocelyn needed to eat 13 ounces.

This concerns me. I am going back to work in 3 weeks. It is hard for me to pump during the week to build up my freezer supply, because she doesn't go to sleep right after a feeding, and I don't have enough spare milk in the evenings. I can do extra pumping in the mornings because Mike can take her after her morning feeding, but I am often so tired that I prefer to go back to sleep.

Going back to the whole, 'she eats as long as she wants' is also potentially a problem for when I go back to work. Sometimes she will go 25 minutes per side. And of course she is way more efficient than a pump. I won't be able to pump for long periods of time. I will get a quick break in the morning, one in the afternoon and will be able to pump at lunch. No more coffee breaks or social lunches for mama!

So I am concerned about two things:
1. Having enough back up supply for my first day back at work
2. Being able to pump enough during the work day to feed Jocelyn enough the next day

I spoke with the pediatrician. She said to make sure to drink enough water and said that taking funugreek and milk thistle might help (it can't hurt). She also gave me permission to add the occasional serving of formula is what I pumped the day before doesn't quite cut it. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. That peace of mind will hopefully help me stay relaxed to pump enough.

Boo boo face

One of these days I will get a picture of it, I hope. But in the mean time I will write about it. Jocelyn has a variety of faces she makes. She has her smiles. She has her confused face. She has her suspicious glare. She has her pre-meltdown and her meltdown faces. But one of the cutest, most heart wreanching ones is her boo boo face.

She has it down to a tee. Her eyes become wide and her bottom lip juts out. She's like a cartoon character with it. It is seriously adorable. The saddest part is that it makes Hubby-poo and I laugh because it is SO CUTE! It is not the reaction she is hoping for. But we always follow the laughter with hugs, kisses, whatever to make her feel better about the world. It does pull at my heart strings, though. When she's a bit older, and able to actually ask for things, I may not be able to say no to the boo boo face.

Jocelyn's 2 Month Doctor's Appointment

Yeah, she's 10 weeks old. It was supposed to be last Friday, but with her cold I got nervous and wanted to wait a week. I am glad I did. She had enough discomfort going on.

She's doing great! She's 24" long (90th %ile), 13 pounds, 3 oz (50th %ile) and has a head circumference of 16.25" (90th %ile). So she will be tall, thin and brainy - like her dad (mom's only got 2/3).

The doctor was impressed with her head control and her ability to see and focus on an object. Everything was in good working order. Here skin color looks really good - we were commended for keeping her out of the sun (which is easy when it's 100+ F out - who wants to go out in that?). Her weight gain is right on track, and it's clear that she's a good eater. Since she's apparently very drooly, it appears that she's going to be an early teether. I am NOT looking forward to that (for her sake or my boobs').

Ugh... Mama is so sleep-deprived that I can't think of what else to tell. Other than that, the doctor just chatted with us. She gave some good ideas for upping my milk supply (and reminded me that if I need to supplement with the occasional serving of formula once I go back to work that it's okay, which I will hopefully not need to do, but does make me feel better). She also had some good suggestions for grandparent Christmas presents, and went on and on about how pretty my little bugaboo is (and she is, but I may be biased).

J money did NOT enjoy getting shots, though. She evidently impressed the nurses with her ability to scream. After her first one, she had an initial cry, then a pause while making the meltdown face, and then a HUGE WAIL. The next two were more of the same blood-curdling screaming. It was all I could do to not burst into tears! But once she was done I nursed her, and that seemed to calm her right down. She wasn't happy, but she relaxed. As impressed as the nurses were with her screaming, they were equally impressed with how quickly she calmed. And then fell asleep. And slept for a few hours. She's asleep again. And hopefully she sleeps it all off tonight.

Skills to pay the bills

Okay, not really. But Jocelyn has learned some awesome new skills lately that I want to brag about.

She is starting to really notice stuff now. I think she finally noticed the cats (well, at least Dakota), and was utterly confused by her. She has also noticed the ceiling fan. She will just sit there and stare at it, wondering what the heck it is.

She's also starting to grab for things. Last night she was fascinated with her Itzbeen timer. She followed it around as we moved it and reached out for it. When I hold her, she clutches on to me. When I nurse her, she often holds my hand (which I LOVE). She's even starting to reach for a rattle when we hold it out for her (sometimes, not often). Of course, now it's super important that I wear my hair up when holding her, or else I'll start missing hand fulls of it, and she will wind up getting her fingers wrapped up. Oh, and when I lean down to pick her up, sometimes she reaches out for me. How much do I love that?

My girl is just getting so big! She's nearly 10 weeks old - getting old enough where I need to start counting her age in months instead of weeks! She can hold her head steady when being held up at my shoulder. She can sleep for 7 hours in a row fairly consistently (even while sick, she proved last night). And she can entertain herself fairly well as long as she can't see you. She will coo and giggle upon waking up, but the second I walk into the room she needs me RIGHT NOW. I exaggerate a little bit, because it's not like she starts to wail. She just starts to wimper a little bit.

Speaking of, my angel wants my attention again. So I better run.

Poor sick baby!

So Jocelyn has a cold. It is AWFUL! The poor baby coughs, sneezes, wheezes, etc.

It started Wednesday morning, when the sound of her coughing got me out of bed. Usually she wakes up talking and squealing. So when she was coughing her tiny head off I RAN into the nursery to rescue her. She was fine, of course, and not choking to death at all. But I still ran to grab her.

She was fine in the early part of the morning, but was a bit lethargic. Not completely, but just a bit. She was also sneezing a bit more than usual (she is a fairly frequent sneezer in general). She was also extra needy - would only nap if she fell asleep nursing and could continue to use me a as a pacifier. Even dislatching her and letting her sleep on the Boppy was not sufficient. Yes, she is high-need. But she's not THAT needy. As the day went on, the coughing and sneezing both increased, as did the existence of phlegm in her throat. By the time Mike got home from work, it was clear that Jocelyn was definitely sick.

We spent the evening checking the books to figure out how to make her comfortable. We set up a humidifier, attempted to suck snot out of her nose, and generally held and played with her. When I was up with her in the middle of the night, it became clear to me that I was coming down with whatever she has. It started with a sore throat and then some coughing. I have not progressed to nasal congestion yet, but it's on its way. Poor Jocelyn - the last thing she needs is a sick primary care giver!

We brought her to the doctor (well, nurse practitioner since the doctor in the office yesterday was the one we don't like) yesterday morning, and sure enough we did everything right. So it was more of the same - suctioning, steaming, cuddling. The symptoms may last up to 10 days. Poor kid! It must be so miserable to be congested but not know how to blow your nose!

But she's in relatively good spirits - which just strengthens the argument that I got the best baby in the world (let's not argue this point, let's just agree to disagree). Even today, when she was done sleeping for the night, she let me know by squealing and cooing. And when I wanted to eat lunch today, I popped her in her bouncy seat and she sat there talking to me while I ate. It was awesome.

Chatterbox!

Jocelyn is seriously the chattiest person I know. I love it! She does need to be in the mood to talk, but when she's in the mood, watch out! She makes a whole variety of sounds. Lots of "Aah" and "Ooh". She also does a quick inhale sort of "Huh!". She is learning so much about modifying the duration and volume of her words as well. Sometimes they are loud and long - "aaaah-oooooh". Sometimes short and quiet - "Hunh". And every combination among those characteristics is fair game.

With the talking usually comes a whole lot of smiling. I have already mentioned that her smile is my favorite smile ever. She smiles with her whole face. The sides of her mouth turn up, her cheeks puff out, her eyes squint a little bit and her mouth is wide open.

The funny part is that she doesn't always want us in on the conversation. She often wakes up from her naps talking and making all sorts of noises. At first I thought that was code for, "Mama, I'm awake - come get me!" But it's not. It's just a conversation she's having with somebody else that doesn't involve me. If I go get her during that time, it usually results in tears. Her favorite place to talk to us is on the changing pad. That's also her favorite place to be, just in general, which is probably part of it. It could be because it is probably the one place where we always talk to her. We talk to her everywhere, but sometimes we are quiet in those places, too. But during changing, I always talk to her. Sometimes it's a running commentary. Sometimes it's an anatomy lesson. Sometimes it's about how she should save her poops for when daddy is home. You get the idea. It is ALWAYS something. So maybe she just sees it as a good place to talk. Either way, it's freakin' adorable!

One of these days we will get it on video and be able to share it with all of you.

They are called "high need" babies

They really like to be held. By people. They tend to reject mechanical people substitutes (i.e. swings), especially when they are fussy and cranky. I have one of these. Dr. Sears writes about them.

Typically, my high need baby is pretty easy to keep calm. Hold her and walk around. That's what it takes 90% of the time. That last 10%, it's usually that she's a bit refluxy or gassy. Holding helps the reflux. Motion helps the gas.

That's all it takes. Yeah. That's all.

The hard part is that it's really hard to constantly hold a baby. While I absolutely adore holding her, sometimes I need to eat or pee or shower. For those short stints, I can usually sneak her into a bouncy seat or swing for long enough. Dr. Sears recommends a sling. I have a baby carrier, but not a sling. I am sometimes tempted to get one, but I would fear that she wouldn't get to see enough stuff or that she would get too hot. I sometimes make and eat breakfast with her in the baby carrier, but I can't sit while wearing it, so that doesn't work.

I am not complaining, mind you. I adore my bugaboo. It's just a part of her personality that I want to capture. This baby just loves to be in arms.

That being said, right now she is in her crib. We put her down for the night. But the first nurse down never sticks. She's not asleep, but she's happy as a lark in her crib. She's chatting away. And squealing. It's adorable. So maybe she's not as high-need as I think. Maybe she just knows that her mommy and daddy are suckers. :-P.