I want my body back!

There are some things about having a baby that nobody really talks much about. I get that, some of them are gross. But you'd think there would be a chapter at the end of those "What to Expect" books that talks about the healing process post-pregnancy. They don't. This is a missed opportunity.

First of all, I have enormous boobs. Okay, I knew that was coming. I am currently a G cup. Okay, so some of my NJ friends have larger breasts than that without having had a baby, but for me that is a pretty pornographic cup size! I probably spent $250 on new bras (which I would have had to do what with having to invest in nursing bras anyway, but had I stayed a D cup I could have bought them at Target!).

The other thing that I should have guessed, but didn't really think about it, is how long my lady parts are taking to heal. I did deliver a >9.5 lb baby via the usual channels, so OF COURSE that whole region is going to be tender for a while. I wasn't in super pain at first, but my discomfort has sustained. Now, three weeks postpartum, I am finally starting to feel a bit better.

And the loose skin - my goodness, I will never wear a bikini again! My belly is really, really unattractive right now! All covered in stretch marks and hanging. Attractive thought, I know.

Between my bovine boobs, my sore hooha and flabby belly, I would be surprised if Hubby-poo ever wants to touch me again!

The other weird thing is that my knuckles seem to have widened. I have lost most of the pregnancy weight, and I am not swollen anymore. But I have some pretty bad joint pain in my hands, and my rings still don't fit. They won't slide over my knuckles! I will give it a few weeks before I go to the jeweler, but I really want to wear my rings again! Will they go back to normal?

In a positive story, I have lost 36 of the 45 lbs I gained with pregnancy. So only 9 more to go. This, of course, ignores the 10 lbs I gained last summer over two weekends (5 on a bbq weekend, 5 over Labor Day - each time I thought it was temporary and bloating, but each time it stuck around). So I would like to shed those as well (and the rest of the weight I gained since the wedding, but that's a different story all together). Hopefully nursing helps me shed the rest of this, and then once we get a stroller, walking / jogging helps me shed the pre-pregnancy stuff.

My big girl!

Yesterday Jocelyn turned 2 weeks old. It has been both the longest and shortest two weeks of my life. One thing I learned is that this parenting business is hard. And it's really unfair that there is no state requirement for paternity leave. Mike was able to take a week of vacation, and then his mom came down for a week. But it turns out that those 6 weeks of paid maternity leave really do seem to be medically necessary to recover from the labor and delivery process. So Mom needs Dad around more so that she can recover.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is about my darling Jocelyn Piper. I really need to be more prepared with pictures and whatnot, but I'm not. I'm a new mom - sue me!

She has grown SO much in these past 2 weeks. Okay, so she's technically just about at her birth weight (but a whole inch longer!). My point is that she has developed. She makes the BEST faces! Her eyes have been open and alert since day 1, and she has always been expressive, but it's getting to be more and more.

She just stares at things. Absolutely fixated! One of her favorite spots is her changing pad (I know - weird kid doesn't mind having her diaper changed). When she is on her changing pad she just stares at this spot on the wall. She even makes not-quite-coo and laugh sounds at it. I have no idea what is there, but she sure seems to LOVE it. Also, she is getting to where she can identify voices and looks towards them. If I speak from across the room, she turns her head to look for me. It's really awesome.

My little monkey is also starting to imitate faces. She and her dad have a game where they stick their tongues out at one another. It's adorable! Also, she and grandma started to play a game where Grandma would say 'ooh ooh ooh' and Jocelyn would make little "O" faces with her lips. ADORABLE!

She is also super strong already. In tummy time (which, incidentally, she hates for some reason), she kicks her legs and already can scoot herself forward a bit. She can also hold her head up at 45 deg. She does the same when she's on my chest (which is probably her favorite place to sleep, unfortunately). She can hold it up for a while, too, and even look around / decide where she wants to put it. Sure, this leads to a lot of nose-diving into my neck to start to root, but it's cute that she has some small amount of control already.

She's going to be a thumb-sucker. We are trying to get her on a pacifier so she can use it instead of her thumb, with the thinking that the pacifier can eventually be taken away (don't want her to be one of those kids who still sucks her thumb in high school!), but it's pretty tough. She's not really very coordinated yet, so she mostly sucks on her hand or arm (and so hard sometimes - she even gave herself a hickey on her arm!). But occasionally she gets her thumb in there and had seriously the cutest, quietest suck on it. You can barely see her little chin moving. ADORABLE!

My favorite thing that she does - and she has done this since birth - is grunt. It is seriously the cutest noise a tiny human can make. She does it when she's awake and happy, when she's asleep and shifting positions, when she's stretching, when she's annoyed - she does it a lot :-P. But it cracks me up every time! I am such a sucker for it.

She also makes lots of less cute noises - she's a good cryer, that's for sure! She has a bunch of them, ranging from the pathetic whimper (which tugs at my heart strings) to the full-on wail to the blood-curdling scream. I am trying to learn how to identify what they mean, but she goes through the whole cycle with each crying spell (if it goes on long enough, and on a gassy day or during a fussy time, it does). And if you are lucky enough to be in her presence when it happens, you might get to see her melt down face. This is a face, I believe, she gets from me (I see a WHOLE lot of my own face in her melt down face). It does not mean anything positive, but it's really flippin' cute. I can't help but be at least a little bit amused when melt down face is coming.

Speaking of being a good cryer, she's demonstrating that skill right now. Her Dad is rocking her right now, which has been great. But I better be on deck as a back up soon. This not-even-ten-pound bundle can wear us both out!

Two week progress report

We took Jocelyn in for her two week appointment - 2 days early. Let's start with the stats:

Weight: 9 lbs., 8 oz. - 75%
Length: 22" - 75%
Head: 14 1/2" - 25%

My baby is growing big and strong, and has nearly regained her birth weight. Huzzah!

She was an absolute champ during the entire appointment. She whimpered a little bit when the doctor listened to her breathing, but that was all. She was so well behaved! If she was a year or so older, she would have earned herself a stop at the ice cream shop for her good behavior!

I did ask her about nursing schedules. While Jocelyn is a bit too young to be on a super-regimented schedule, I knew it was probably not good to feed her too often. Sometimes she wants to eat an hour after she started her last meal! While talking to the doctor, Jocelyn started diving for my boobs - she sort of does a chicken-peck thing at the outside of my shirt. So I asked the doctor about it. I told her that my last feeding started at noon, and that it was about 1:20 at the time we were talking to her, so what should we do when starts diving for my boobs. She said to let her dive, but don't feed her until we're in the 2-3 hour window since the start of her last feeding. It's better for my milk production. It's better for Jocelyn's nutrition (the milk will be more nutritious, and she will have deeper feedings if she waits a bit longer and eats a bit more). It's better for my sanity. So I'm going to have to toughen up a bit and not just indulge her.

It was also time for her round two newborn screen. We had to do one at the hospital. I don't know why they needed a second one, but they did. So back to the hospital it was, for them to prick her foot and take some more blood to do thyroid screening and whatnot. My little trouper was SO brave. Yes, she cried her little head off with the initial prick, and then gave a small wail with each squeeze, but overall she was pretty quiet about it. And as soon as it was over, a cuddle with Mama was all she needed to make it better. Not so much for Mama, let me tell you. Yeah, there may have been a few tears on my end! What can I say? I can't stand to see my baby suffer.

As a side note, I really like this new pediatrician. She's around my age and also pregnant, so I feel like she can really share my concerns. She took the time to explain things to me without making jokes about my baby. She's really nice and I felt comfortable asking her questions.

So now I am practicing the resisting feeding. We are trying to get her down to sleep - have been for about an hour now - and it's just not sticking. So now we're in an awkward spot of her needing to eat soon, but not yet. She was dive bombing my boobs again when I was trying to put her down, which made it really hard (and made me feel really cruel). Now Dad and Grandma are taking a turn (and it's pretty quiet right now, so it must be working :-).

The days and nights of Jocelyn Piper

Alternative title: Mommy and daddy will sleep when they are dead.

Jocelyn is a really great baby. She's a good sport at bath time, she's a great eater, she's super cute, she was even a good sport getting her temperature taken at the doctor today.

But her days and nights are swapped. I know that this is common - common enough to be covered in all the books with lots of tips and tricks. So we are doing them all - keeping it dark at night during feedings and changings, no playing, just get to business and get to sleep, and then during the day the naps are in a brightly lit room and we make no efforts to keep quiet.

The problem is that she can't (or won't, rather) sleep in her crib at night. She will sleep, but only if it is on one of us. We will try to put her down, and she may sleep in her crib for maybe 5 minutes (one night as long as 30 minutes), but then sure enough she's up and howling. The second we pick her up, she quiets. Thus, she only wants to be loved on (and who would want to deprive an infant of love!).

So Hubby-poo and I been sleeping in 2-3 hour shifts, taking turns holding Jocelyn. This goes on from about 11 or so (although, the 11-1 or 2 shift isn't too bad since Hubby-poo's still up) and ends around 7 or 8. Then she goes down in her crib and we can sleep until about 11 or so.

So the nurse practitioner at the pediatrician's office gave some advice - just DON'T hold her until she falls asleep and let her sleep in our arms. It's just forcing bad habits that will be hard to break later. I asked her what we should do instead, and she said to let her cry it out. I don't know that I will be doing that so early (she's only 7 days old - she can't even suck her thumb yet, how can she self-soothe?). But I may try to let her cry a bit longer, with a set crying time (let her cry for 5 or 10 minutes before going to get her), and see what happens. Maybe once she goes through a cry cycle she'll be able to sleep. Let's see if my heart can take it. Or Hubby-poo's. I am pretty sure he is a bigger softy for her than I am.

Tonight's the experiment. She's in her crib right now. I'm crossing my fingers!!!

Pediatrician Woes

I don't recall if I told you about our pediatrician interviews or not. I solicited a few recommendations from coworkers. Most of them go to one practice (and only two of the four doctors in that practice), so that one (and those doctors, plus a third one) was on my list. There were a scattered few other recommendations that I got, so I only selected one other practice based on all of the information that my coworker gave me. I only wanted to interview the recommended doctor there. We went there first.

The doctor was pretty old - practicing medicine since 1976. So he could have been MY pediatrician. But he seemed nice enough, helpful enough and very knowledgeable, if a bit strict with certain things. He did make some weird jokes, but sometimes old guys make weird jokes. What I really liked was the practice. The office manager was really great and shared lots of information. The nursing staff also seemed really helpful. Lots of people worked there and the waiting room was filled with toys. Two policies I really liked were that 1. It's no problem to switch doctors within the practice, and 2. After-hours calls are free and unlimited, and they have a round-the-clock nursing staff who can answer lots of questions.

The second practice, where we wanted to talk to three doctors, was sort of a different story. It was a beautiful office, but did not feel particularly kid-friendly. But that was okay. The desk staff seemed fine, if a bit lean for such a large practice. I asked to talk to the three doctors, and I was told that since they like to discourage competition among their doctors that they would only allow me to interview one of them. That was weird. But I picked the one that nobody recommended, because she seemed like a good fit based on the on-line bio.

I really liked her. She was very enthusiastic, positive, smart and friendly. We seemed to have similar philosophies on raising children, and she was young so I knew she probably wouldn't retire before my kid hit kindergarten.

But besides the weird office policy of not swapping doctors, they also charge $10 per after-hours call. As first-time parents, this was not a good deal for us. So as much as I liked this doctor better, I let Hubby-poo convince me that the first place was the better option.

Fast forward to our hospital stay - the doctor we selected was not on hospital rounds either day. The first day a young, female doctor came in and checked out Jocelyn. I really, really liked her. Probably would have switched right off the bat, but she's pregnant and due in September, so there would be a big chunk of the early stuff that she wouldn't be around for. The second day, another guy came in to check her. He was fairly nondescript. So at least we had an option with that practice if we decided we didn't like the original doctor.

Fast forward again to Monday afternoon and our first doctor's appointment with Jocelyn. We were set to meet with the original guy, and I was very open-minded and wanted to like him. But I just didn't. He's not the warmest person, which is a quality I want in a pediatrician. And he seemed to have a whole list of weird jokes that he would tell. Except that instead of making the jokes about Hubby-poo, he made them at Jocelyn's expense. They were harmless - made fun of her for being a red head, joked about how her being a girl would be trouble down the line - stupid stuff. I'm sure he has 'material', so makes the requisite hair color joke, gender joke, bad baby joke, etc. But it annoyed me. You don't make fun of somebody's kid! What's wrong with you?

On top of that, I didn't really feel like he took my questions too seriously. I am a new parent and you have been a pediatrician for more than 30 years. I get to be naive and ask stupid questions. You DON'T get to dismiss them as though they are not important.

So when we left there I was in tears. Hubby-poo felt awful for twisting my arm into choosing a pediatrician that I wasn't completely comfortable with, and who I turned out to hate.

I was upset the entire day. Seriously. Every time I thought about it my blood would start to boil.

The next morning, the first thing I did was call the office and ask to be switched to the lady who saw us at the hospital. In order to not create awkwardness for future run-ins, I gave the reason that since I would be talking a lot about lactation I preferred to have a female doctor. But before I even gave a reason, the receptionist did not sound surprised when I said I wanted to switch. So maybe I'm not the only one.

Anyway, that was a LONG, drawn out story leading up to WHY I am so glad we stuck with that practice, even if we switched doctors. Today, after only knowing her for 5 days (her first day was only 30 minutes), I could tell my baby was different. She was lethargic for most of the day, fussy during that one 'between feeding' stint where she refused to nap, and then finally fell asleep when her next feeding was due to begin. And she never really did want that feeding, even after getting a bunch of sleep. My girl is a good eater and a terrible sleeper, so I knew something was up. We totally took advantage of the after-hours nurses tonight. They think it might be from jaundice, so they will call us first thing tomorrow morning and can see us tomorrow.

Of course, I'm a WRECK! I mean, MY BABY IS SICK! My 6 day old baby! That's not good for any Mama's heart. Of course, their answer was, 'come in tomorrow and we'll check everything out', and NOT, 'oh crap - get her to the ER, STAT!' So I may be overreacting a teeny, tiny bit. But I SO don't care. It's my baby, I can cry if I want to!

40w0d - Introducing Jocelyn Piper Karle

Okay, obviously I am WAY behind on my blog post. I have more pressing things going on. But I do want to chronicle this. Jocelyn is asleep on my lap and Hubby-poo is out at Buy Buy Baby picking up some supplies, so I thought I would at least try to get through the whole labor and delivery process. Hence the back-dating of the subject line (but not of the blog).

It all started up around 2:30 a.m. I woke up, as I am wont to do, with a full bladder. Although, this time, the bladder wasn't the only problem. It was contractions that were *definitely* different than the BH contractions I had before. Ten minutes later, there was another one. I tried to sleep through it, but to no avail. Eventually they started coming closer together - 7 minutes. At that point I knew I wasn't getting any sleep.

It was around 4:30 or so that I decided to wake up Hubby-poo. I told him that my contractions were 7 minutes apart, that I was getting in the shower, and that he might want to consider packing a bag.

By 6 a.m. my contractions were minutes apart. I called my doctor, and she told me to labor at home for as long as I can. If my contractions become more painful or closer together, or if my water breaks, I should go to the hospital. But otherwise I should stay home and walk around as much as I can. She reminded me that once I go to the hospital I would need to monitored, so I would have far less mobility and labor would probably slow down (since I was planning to go natural, slowing down and being tethered would be bad).

So labor at home I did. I spent time on the exercise ball (sitting on it, hunched over it), pacing around the living room, trying (and failing) to nap, etc. I took the time to make sure I had everything that the book said I needed to pack (which turned out to not really be true - I packed WAY too much stuff!). Hubby-poo and I both called out of work, so he spent some time doing a few last-minute things that he needed to take care of before taking a week off, also packing a bag, etc. My original plan was to bake a cake to distract myself from labor at home (a birthday cake!), but with having severe contractions every 5 minutes that lasted about 45 seconds each, well, I didn't feel like doing anything of the sort. Besides, I didn't know how long I'd be there.

Around 1:00 I decided I needed to lie down. I pondered taking a Benadryl so I could sleep, but if my exhaustion wasn't going to help me pass out then taking drugs would only make me loopy but still awake. It was probably a good thing that I didn't, because at some point between 1:30 and 1:40 I got up to pee and my water broke. THAT was weird. At first I wasn't sure, as only a small amount came out. But then it just KEPT ON COMING! It was gross. Only about 20% of women go into labor with their water breaking, so I guess I am in the minority. Another call to the doctor, an old towel for me to sit on, and we were on our way to the hospital.

With the breaking of my water, my contractions became VERY intense. And were coming between 1 and 3 minutes apart. And were causing me to literally shake with pain. It was on the drive to the hospital that I decided the whole natural childbirth thing was for the birds.

I had always imagined myself calmly walking into the hospital. Instead I had them wheel me in. They brought me to my labor and delivery room, hooked me up to the equipment and checked my cervix. 2 cm dilated! What? After 12 hours of labor? After another body quake, the nurse who was very quickly trying to get my IV going and blood taken so they could place the epidural ASAP took a break to check my cervix again. 4 cm. She got my blood sent away to be tested, had the anesthesiologist on deck and even put a pressure pump on the IV bag so I could get in one full bag of fluid as quickly as possible. Another check of the cervix - 6 cm. I was moving VERY quickly.

About 2 hours later (14 hours of labor!) they were ready to place the epidural. I was in so much pain that I couldn't sit up for the epidural placement. They did it on my back, which is evidently trickier to do. But he did it, and it was fine. 15 minutes later, I could still feel the contractions but they didn't cause me any pain. It was a great balance. Of course, things did slow down, so they had to start me up on some Pitocin, but it was fine.

At that point, they officially got me checked in, had me sign all of the releases, etc. I thought it was VERY nice of them to treat my extreme pain before making me sign crap. By about 5:30 or so I was all set, but confined to bed. Since I didn't hurt anymore, I was kind of bored. Lucky for me we brought some Uno cards (among other things for entertainment), so we played a few rounds of Uno. Also, there was internet in the room, so I kept up with Facebook. We also called our families to let them know that we were full on labor and that the baby was imminent. And at 7:00, we watched Big Brother on the in-room TV. Classic!

The timeline from there was a bit fuzzy. I know I started to feel my contractions pretty strongly again, despite the epidural, and I was starting to have the urge to push. Yup, 8 cm dilated. It didn't take long to get to 10, and the nurse had me do a few practice pushes to get things moving a bit, and so I knew what to feel for. She also did a bunch of stretching while I did those pushes, that way I would have an easier time passing the baby. I was barely at zero-station, so we decided that my body as nearly ready, and that we would prop me up a bit and let gravity help out. I turned side to side for a while and the baby moved her way down quite a bit.

Then the real fun began. It was probably around 10 or so and I started the real pushes. I got to watch in a mirror for a while, until the OB showed up and got in the way. Even with the medicine, it still hurt. But that was good, because I knew where to focus my pushes. It was kind of a blur from that point on. But I do know that at 11:30 p.m. a long, slimy bundle slide out of me and was immediately placed on my chest. I put my hands on her while they cleaned her up. It was so, so surreal. I imagined the birth of my child so many times, but it was nothing like reality. The overwhelming sense of HOLY CRAP - THAT BABY JUST CAME OUT OF ME was something I didn't anticipate. She seemed SO BIG. Of course, that's because she was 9 lb. 10 oz, and 21" long (95th percentile in both categories, my little overachiever!).

Then they were off - baby was getting checked out, Hubby-poo was taking pictures and getting footprints put on his scrub shirt, Mama was getting cleaned up and stitched up - it was a whirlwind. But it was over by shortly after midnight. My baby was back, all cleaned up and wrapped up, and I was learning how to nurse. The advantage of a giant baby is that they are very hungry. And my overachiever figured out latching very quickly. It took mama a little while to get the hang of how to hold her in the different positions, but we worked it out.

The rest of the night was a combination of soothing my baby, trying to sleep and being poked and prodded by nurses. It was all very surreal. And the rest of the hospital stay was fine. Uneventful. And the best part was that, at the end, I got a gorgeous baby girl to take home with me :-).

39w4d - Another 'false' alarm

Once again, I thought I was going into labor again. And, once again, I was wrong. Evidently, I have no instincts for this sort of thing.

Last night I had yet another pre-labor sign happen to me (one of the gross ones, so I won't tell you about it, but it's one of the ones that you notice in the bathroom). Anyway, I ran into my bedroom to pick up "What to Expect" and saw that, yes, this is in fact a sign that delivery is imminent. Or can come in a week or 2. The book is so non-committal!

Anyway, soon after, I started having some minor contractions. Very minor, lower abdominal, Braxton-Hicks-type contractions. I didn't think anything of them at first, until I (well, actually, Hubby-poo) noticed that they were coming every 10 minutes like clock-work. So I thought that maybe this was the real deal (just very early on). I didn't go ahead and pack a bag or anything (okay, I'm mostly packed already), because I was exhausted. But we did start keeping track. Sure enough, for over an hour they were coming a predictable 10 minutes apart. Surely, this had to be a good sign!

After some debate on what to do, hubby-poo and I decided that it was best to try to sleep. If I could sleep through it, the rest would do me wonders. If it got bad and I couldn't sleep through it, then we would get up and pack. Well, I passed right out. It felt GREAT. I slept hard. I woke up every hour or two, like always, but I fell right to sleep every time. Also, nearly every time, I had a lower abdominal contraction. I figured that they would intensify, I would wake up in a few hours, and we'd be driving out to the hospital.

Well, a few hours went by, and then so did a few more. Next thing I know, it's after 11 and I am about done sleeping for the day (which is SUPER late, especially in light of the fact that I didn't actually leave the bedroom until nearly noon). Oh, and no more contractions. So whatever it was (dehydration, something I ate, etc) was NOT actual labor. BOO!

I need to stop rushing things. Her due date isn't until Thursday, and most first babies come late. But I want her here NOW! I'm ready for her, and I want to meet her. And, let's face it, I also want to not be pregnant anymore! I have had an easy time overall, but I am at the point where I am just ready to have my body back (at least to the extent that I can). I want to be able to sleep on my tummy again, and be able to wrap a regular towel all the way around me, and be able to carry heavy things, and shave my legs easily. You get the point.

I did go in for a pregnancy induction massage today. One hour of a massage therapist poking and prodding at pregnancy reflexology points. I was hoping to have a few contractions during the massage, but I only had some pelvic floor sensation. Hopefully it will inspire something.

39w1d - Biggest Disappointment of them All

Went to the doctor today. It was a string of disappointments and frustrations.

First of all, our regular sonographer wasn't there. We had a different lady. Either she was visiting or is new, because she did not know how to use the equipment. It took FOREVER. And she didn't tell us much of anything as we went. So we had to ask her a lot of questions.

Her current estimate of the baby's size - 9lb 4 oz! I know, I know, they are just estimates. But, well, WOW! Still the same deal - slightly large head, short legs and HUGE belly. She's going to be a cutie - fat babies are adorable. But we can already see her fat rolls in the ultrasound, so she really doesn't need to gain any more weight. She sounds like she's perfectly cooked right now.

Progress is no further progress. Still 1 cm. Still not dropped. I know, I know. When it starts, it can just GO. But still.

I think that the most annoying part is that if she comes this weekend, our doctor won't be there. At our first appointment with her she told us she was not traveling for the fourth. It turns out that her bratty kid got kicked out of camp, so now they need to take the brat to Colorado to stay with the grandparents for a week. So they hit the road today and she won't be back to delivering babies until Tuesday evening. We have met with the other doctors in the practice. I liked one of them a lot, I wasn't crazy about the other one. And of course, the one I liked is on maternity leave right now and gets back Tuesday morning. So if it's over the weekend, we have the guy who I was only so so about. Either way, though, we have been seeing one doctor this whole time who is aware of our plans and desires. I don't want to have somebody else deliver my baby.

So there you have it - giant baby, no progress, no doctor anyway. And if I make it to my Wednesday appointment, it will be time to talk about induction (or possibly a c-section) since she's be afraid the baby would be too big to come out on her own :-(.

39w0d - HR is the worst offender

One thing I don’t understand is how people don’t realize that the arrival of a baby is, typically, somewhat of a random event. You have a ballpark date in mind based on your last menstrual cycle, but the specific date is really driven by biochemistry. It can’t be scheduled. Okay, a c-section or induction can be scheduled, but most births happen when they happen.

It’s okay that some of my peers don’t know this (or think about it). Especially when they are fresh-out-of college types who don’t have any married friends let alone friends with babies. So when they ask when the baby is coming, and I say, “well, she can come today, or she can come in 3 weeks” and they are surprised, well, I guess I can forgive it. Although, I do find it somewhat annoying when they look annoyed by my answer – as though I made it that way or something. Sorry if my impending baby messes up your work plans, but you knew this was coming for months now.

I have gotten some attitude from coworkers when I accept meetings tentatively, actually. Especially for meetings in June. They would say, “I thought you weren’t having your baby until July.” Well, I can have my baby any time from 37-42 weeks. So in that timeframe, I don’t want you to count on me to be there. This, again, is mostly from my non-children coworkers.

Then today the lady down at the coffee bar asked me if I’m having the baby next week. I said, ‘well, I’m due next week.’ She asked me if I knew what day I was having the baby – like, specifically. She seemed confused when I told her I didn’t know, but that she’s due on Thursday.

But HR is the WORST. Mostly because they have NO reason to be the worst. They have been handling maternity leave for way longer than I have been working for the company. You’d think they have a system in place. Once I knew I was having a baby, I set stuff up with them for my leave. I told them my due date, they asked me what date, specifically, I would be working until. I told them I planned to work until I went into labor. They asked me when that would be. I told them it would be sometime around July 8, but I couldn’t give them an exact date. They seemed exasperated by that. So I guess they told me they would set up my file with a ‘work until’ date of July 7, and if that were to change at any time I should let them know.

Fine. I will call HR when the baby comes. Because they are exactly who I want to talk to.

Well, the people who manage the leave called me earlier this week and asked me if I was still planning on working until July 7, or if that has changed. I told him that I was planning to work until I went into labor, and I did now know when, specifically, that would be. But I told him that I would call him. He then pointed out, with attitude might I add, that if I work past July 7 that my claim would be closed and I would need to re-fill the paperwork. Uhh… what? Why? I asked him why, and he said that’s just how it is. So I asked him if we could move the date back further, that way I was sure to have the baby before the claim expired. Evidently this is no problem. So why don’t they just do it that way? Or why have the claim expire at all? I mean, what if something complicated happens and you can’t get to the phone on that day? It’s strange!

But seriously, this is HR / benefits stuff. Like I said, they have been at this for a long time. How do they not have a system that makes sense?