Holy crap - I have a 4 year old!

My first born, my pride and joy, my mini-me - she has turned 4 today (nearly to the minute, as I type this).  I don't even remember life before her.  Okay, that's not really true.  I remember life before her.  But I would never go back in time to before her. 

I'm constantly amazed by the person she is becoming.  In some ways she has grown so much, in others, she is exactly who we expected baby Jocelyn to grow up into.  When she woke up and I wished her a happy birthday, and told her that she was 4 now.  She asked when it happened, adn I told her 'today.'  Her question back to me was, "While I was sleeping?"  With big, wide eyes at that! 

Jocelyn is a very introspective girl.  She really takes things in, observes the action before jumping in, takes her time and hangs back before getting too comfortable with people (but once she is comfortable, she is really comfortable).  She is hard to to bond with, so shen she gives love she really means it.  She does give some benefit to family - she knows that her family members love her, and extends that trust even to those who she doesn't know well.  She is hard to impress all around - so when you can make her laugh, it's sort of a big deal. 

She is so exuberent, though.  When she does get excited, like truly excited, she gets excited with her whole body.  She shakes with excitiement.  It is so amazing to see.  And she loves with her whole heart and body.  She gives big hugs and kisses, she loves to touch faces and stroke hair, she loves having her back or tummy rubbed, she will is a big fan of cuddles and hand-holding. 

My big girl is so smart.  From a milestone standpoint, she has really done well at learning her letters and numbers.  She enjoys building things out of Duplo blocks and other blocks they have at daycare.  She talks about how shapes work together, can count really high, and has a very strong vocabulary.  She is very articulate, but often gets shut down by emotion and can't express herself. 

Jocelyn enjoys creative / imagination play.  She loves her dolls and stuffed animals, and she gives them personas and has them interact with one another.  She dresses them in her clothes.  They are friends, and they fight with each other, and they have very complex relationships.

She is a fearless monkey child.  Jocelyn figured out a way to spin herself on her airplane swing by pre-twisting it and then climbing on so she can spin really fast.  She is trying really hard to learn to swing upside down on the swinging bar.  She has mastered climbing up our slide.  Bounce houses are about her favorite thing.

Jocelyn is the most strong willed person I have ever met.  We worked really hard on "Thank You", and she has finally, FINALLY, started to whisper it to people when they give her a gift.  She is a master at stalling bedtime - even to the point where I'm pretty sure she holds her poop until bed time.  It could be partly because she just doesn't need a lot of sleep - she was a terrible sleeper as a baby and some things never do changre.  But we are not the only people she manipulates her - she is great at tricking Donovan into playing with a different toy so that she can have the toy she wants (or just get him away from her and whatever friend she is playing with).   

She still loves to read.  We read so many books every day.  But she also likes watching TV - lately we watch a lot of Dora, Sophia, Bubble Guppies and some Jake.  We watch significantly less Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  We are also really big into movies - specifically animated Disney movies.  Frozen is the big favorite right now, but we love Tangled, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, and Beauty and the Beast as well.  We want to get her some other movies, because she knows who all of the princesses are and she adores them.  Lately, she likes to play interactive games on my phone.   We mostly play with apps that read her a story, and let her interact by moving characters around.  But she also likes to watch me play some games. 

She is incredibly confident.  She knows she is smart, strong and beautiful.  She is proud of our house, and wants to show it off to her friends.  She aims to please, but only to an extent.  She doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do - she is nobody's trained monkey.  At the same time, she really respects boundaries and rules.  She loves the company of women - cousins, aunts, grandma, etc.  She even wants to marry a girl, because the idea of marrying a boy is icky to her (last I checked, she wants to marry Ariel).  But her favorite person is totally her daddy.  And Donovan is her best friend (they really do get along great). 

Jocelyn is very observant.  She notices things in her environment and asks interesting questions about them.  She points out inconsistencies in movies that she has watched several times.  My favorite is that she told me that Sebastian sings that Ariel "don't say a word and she won't say a word until you kiss the girl," but that even if he kisses her, she still won't talk.  She will just stay on land with legs but no voice.  She is kind of obsessed with death - and has asked a lot of questions about Mufasa dying, as well as Babar's mother. 

Jocelyn is a fashionista.  She is very particular about what she wears, and puts together awesome outfits.  She enjoys wearing dresses, but pairs them with pants for practical purposes (it's hard to slide down slides at daycare in a dress!).  She always makes it work.  She loves tights and boots.  Her favorite color is pink, and if it sparkles, then even better.  Not only does she pick out great stuff for herself, but she also picks out great stuff for me.  When she goes shopping, she points out clothing and says, "You will look so beautiful in this, mommy!" and "Daddy will just love you in this!"  It's amazing.  Even more amazing is that she is right - when I wear a Jocelyn selection, you can bet that I get complements everywhere I go. 

She wants long, golden hair, but hates having her hair brushed.  So we keep her red hair short and sassy.  She is completely unphotogenic for posed pictures - her 'cheese' smile is a funny, toothy face.  It's adorable.  It's also ironic, because she is incredibly beautiful (my biased opnion, of course).  We get stopped by strangers all the time who comment about how pretty she is, so there is hard evidence from unbiased sources. 

All in all, she is an incredible person.  I can't believe I get to be her mommy.  I hope I can to right by her.  And I can't believe it's been 4 years.  In some ways, it doesn't feel like it could possibly be that much time.  In other ways, it seems like she has always been around.  It's crazy. 

Happy birthday, little bug! 

Happy second birthday, Donovan!

I can't believe that my big boy is 2.  TWO.  2!  I know that he technically became a toddler a year ago, but I still thought of him as a baby.  Now, he is defnitely not a baby anymore.  He is a BIG BOY!

They made him a crown at daycare, which he got to decorate himself.  And he brought in "Birthday Cake" flavored Oreos to share with his friends at snack time.

Donovan is so big that he speaks in full sentences.  I'm talking 4, 5, and 6 word sentences.  He is opinionated and expresses his thoughts incredibly well!  He tells us when he likes something, when he doesn't like something, when something hurts, when something is funny.  It's great.  He communicates very well.  Of course, it's not really helping keep the terrible-two's in check - we understand him perfectly, but sometimes he still doesn't get what he wants, and so the tantrum begins :-P.

Donovan is obsessed with vacuum cleaners.  Obsessed.  His vacuum is his absolute favorite Christmas present.  He always uses it.  And he does it 'right' too - the way a full grown person would vacuum a room with a real vacuum cleaner.  His is fancier than ours though - we got him a Dyson! 

He is my little kitchen helper.  Donovan loves to watch mommy cook.  So we picked out a nice stool for his birthday so that he can watch us whenever he wants.  It was pricey, but it was well worth it.  It's sturdy, durable, attractive and has hand rails for him.  Plus it's tough enough for Mike and I to use, and we have already! 

Donovan has the best sense of humor of anybody I have ever met.  It is so easy to make him laugh.  He laughs at things that really surprise me - like when Jocelyn sings the wrong words to something, he thinks it's really funny.  And he also laughs at things that are not surprising at all - like farts.  Farts are about the funniest thing he has ever experienced.  And if he farts on you, or if somebody farts on him (like Jocelyn, since she also thinks farts are hillarious), forget about it - that's the funniest thing ever!
I don't want this to be a string of updates and milestones, that needs to be a different blog post.  Even though I do want to brag about his fairly consistent peeing in the potty, counting to 13 and knowing his ABC's  :-P. 

Instead I want to reflect on his birth.  It's so strange to think that my little guy - who is so big, strong, and advanced, spent some time in the NICU.  All told, it was like 36 hours.  So it wasn't a crazy amount of time.  But it was so awful to go home from the hospital without him.  And, honestly, I probalby shouldn't have gone home at all since I spent more time at the hospital than home anyway (I went back twice that first day to nurse, and then early the next morning, and stayed until they sent him home with us that afternoon).  I remember how scared I was - and how jarring it is to see your newborn baby hooked up to all sorts of monitors with wires sticking off of him. 

In addition to being scared, I remember almost mentally pushing him away.  It was like I mentally prepared myself for the worst possible outcome, so I wouldn't let myself get completely attached.  It's weird, I know, but I guess it was a self-preservation thing.  I am so grateful that the worst didn't come (although, as a mother, losing a child is my biggest fear). 

It is so strange to think that was 2 years ago.  And how that is the last time (barring divine intervention) I will go through such an experience.  Sometimes that makes me sad.  But then I remember that newborns aren't very much fun, even when they are your own and you love them like crazy.  And toddlers are a TON of fun ("terrible twos" aside... and at least that makes for some good stories). 

It's funny how 2 years used to feel like a long time.  But it went by in the blink of an eye.  I have no more babies.  My baby is a big boy.  A big boy who I love so much that it hurts.