Happy birthday Donovan!

Donovan is a year old.  Holy crap!  How did that happen?  A year can't have passed - I still have baby fat!

My little guy amazes me every day.  His most recent adorable behavior is his intense love of food combined with his walking competence and lack of words.  If Jocelyn gets a snack that she can walk around with (a cracker, cookie, etc.), Donovan chases after her, arms up, screaching.  He sounds like the Conan O'Brian rendition of Frankenstein('s monster). Jocelyn runs away, but she finds it funny.  She does yell, "No No Donovan!"  I crack up.  Seriously, I cry actual tears from laughing so hard!

It's the same with sippy cups.  The other day, Jocelyn had two - one for milk, one for Pedialyte.  And when Donovan saw her, he yelled his "aargh" sound, stuck his arms up, and bolted for her.  Again, she ran off and yelled "NO Donovan!"  

He recognizes when things are food and wants to eat them.  He gestures wildly at anything that looks good and screeches. When he likes something and wants more, he yells, "MORE!"  And he gets to where is about to panic when he doesn't get his food fast enough.   Again, hilarious.  He will occasionally grab for things that are still too hot, and he shoves them in his mouth very quickly, and they usually give him jitters. I always feel bad - I'm the grown up, so I need to do a better job of keeping the hot food away.  But sometimes he just grabs faster than I can shield.

Strangely, though, he had no interest in his cake.  At his cake-smash photo shoot he did not express any interest in smashing or eating the cake.  He ate a tiny piece that I broke off and gave to him.  At his birthday party, he threw his first piece on the floor.  He barely picked at his second piece.  It's weird.  Especially since later on he went to town on a chocolate chip cookie.  

His vocabulary is definitely starting to improve.  He has been saying ball and balloon for a while now.  He has restarted saying cat.  And Mama and Dada, of course.  I just mentioned the more.  I think he says "da" for "that".  And when he pushes cars around (which he loves to do), he says "VRROOMM!"   He doesn't appear to know any animal sounds yet, nor does he love playing peek-a-boo... but admittedly we don't really do those things that much with him.  He is starting to show interest in books, but mostly as toys.  He likes to grab at the pages.  He does love the shape sorter, and sometimes even gets the shapes into the appropriate holes.  It takes a while, and it's a rare occurrance, but it has and does happen.

Right now Donovan is in a major destroyer phase.  He loves to take apart the Sesame Street floor puzzle.  I swear, Mike built it at least 4 times today, and Donovan took it apart every time.  He loves to knock / drop everything on the floor.  And he is a big fan of ripping paper.  We have to keep the paper books away from him. Silly pooka.

But this is not meant to be a milestone list, even though my baby boo has accomplished so much.  It's meant to be an expression of my love for my boo.  He is such a sweet baboo.  He just loves to cuddle.  When I pick him up he usually does one of two things.  One is to bend his knees and open his legs, so he can press his body super close to mind.  The other is to drape his head on my shoulder.  Both are awesome.  Sometimes he combines the two in a super-clingy cuddle maneuver.  That is the BEST!

Parenting two is hard, though.  I feel that I have disadvantaged him in so many ways.  Jocelyn had our full attention.  I remember so vividly how I would nurse her to sleep and sing her songs while Mike sat on the bean bag chair in her room and just hang out with us.  We would take turns walking her when she couldn't sleep.  Now we split bedtime duty, and I nurse him while Mike reads to Jocelyn, and then he walks Donovan while I read to Jocelyn.  Our attention is always split.  And we are just that much more tired, so we have less to give overall, and now it's split between two.  But what he lacks in one-on-one time he gets back in experience.  We are not fumbling our way through it as much.  I wouldn't say that I am a professional when it comes to raising babies, but I am certainly better at it. 

One thing that he has taught me, though, is that my capacity for love is seemingly infinite.  When I had Jocelyn, I was amazed at how much I was in love with her.  I couldn't imagine loving anybody as  much.  And then Donovan came along, and I realize that I can love him just as much, and I can love them both that much more.  I also realize how well I can do on so little sleep.  I am exhausted.  And I have never been as sick as I have been this past year.  But I can do it.  I can manage.  I might not look my best, I might be sicker, and I might have more trouble losing the weight thanks to sleepy hormones making me hold onto fat (and making me think I'm hungrier than I am... artificial energy!).  But I manage it. 

Of course, once we are through the daycare transition to the toddler room, and through this next round of teeth, it's time to work on getting him to sleep through the night.  Once he is weaned off of his morning nursing, it will be much easier.  Right now he wakes up at 5-something with a hungry tummy.  But one thing at a time. 

Back to the mommy part, though.  Thank you, Donovan, for letting me be your mommy.  I love you so much more than you will ever know.